The British have a reputation for coolness and formality, so visitors are often surprised at our use of familiar forms of address such as dear, love and darling, even with strangers. The visitor should take note of these 'terms of endearment' as they give important clues about how the speaker sees you or the sort of relationship he wishes to establish. You may be called: Duckey, Precious, Honeybunch, Treasure, Bunny, Angel, Teddy Bear, Chu-chi Face, Lamb, Lambkin, Dearest heart, Cherub, Poppet, Handsome, Big Boy, Star or my Little Sausage. Also, English- speakers enjoy playing with words, so if your name for example is 'Tommy' you may find yourself variously called Tommy, Tom-Tom, Tommikins, Tommy-Wommy or Tommy-Poohs.

The true Brit can keep his head in a crisis.

What makes the British laugh? Can a foreigner ever learn to enjoy and to share the British sense of humour? It's not easy and may take some time, but it can be done. The eager visitor should first become acquainted with the following and their place in our national collective consciousness: toilets; trousers (when they fall down); restaurant diners with flies in their soup; little men (usually called Willy) with very large wives; doctors and patients with strange things wrong with them.

Why is English the world's 'dream' language? Well, for one thing our grammar is so sensible, dependable and straightforward. Most languages have two or three forms for you, depending on status, intimacy, and so on. English, democratically, has only one. Also English has done away with all that unnecessary fuss over nouns and adjectives: masculine, feminine, singular, plural - not to mention nominative, accusative, dative, and so on. Furthermore, English has the Present Perfect Tense which, as its name implies, is quite simply the best tense in the world. English has lots of prepositions, and these are a great help in global positioning systems and personal orientation programmes. There are some unfortunate languages in the world that don't have any prepositions at all, which can make it very difficult to find your trousers in the morning.

There's no point having perfect grammar and a vast vocabulary if no one can understand what you're saying. If you are worried about your pronunciation, practise these useful sentences at home alone.

If you find it difficult to follow connected English speech, don't worry. We British are well aware of the complexities of our language and only too happy to simplify our speech for the benefit of the 'challenged' foreign user. Here are some useful phrases to learn. Slip them into the conversation whenever you're in trouble!

In order to be a popular guest, and to make a good impression on his British hosts, the foreign visitor needs to learn how to apologise. In the street. On the bus. At the hairdresser's. In the bedroom. Going out and coming in. Sorry is one of the most important words in the vocabulary of any true Brit. And it's a word which should be always on the lips of any foreigner moving amongst us. Sorry prepares a path, excuses faults, calms nerves and wipes the slate clean so that we can all be jolly together and not get upset. Together with 'sorry', the words 'Please' and 'Thank you' are perhaps the most useful in any foreign visitor's lexicon. 'Please' belongs to a family of words that includes pleasant, pleasure and pleasing, which is further proof that it's nice to be polite. 'Thank' comes from the Old English thonc, which has the same root as the word think. Thus, being polite is the same as being thoughtful!

In order to be British, or at any rate to pass unnoticed in British society, the visitor must learn not to make a fuss. A fuss is something that the true Brit cannot stand. It is nearly as bad as a scene, and in the same category as drawing attention to yourself.

In most countries, tea is a very disappointing experience: a teabag dropped into a glass of hot water with the string still attached. In Britain, by contrast, tea is not only a wonderful drink, but also a light but substantial meal of sandwiches, biscuits and cake, and an important ceremony of our national life.

A city street in mainland Britain. It's 11.15pm on a cold Friday night in the dead of winter. Two young women in crop tops showing their bare waists and shoulders, and mini skirts with no tights underneath are strolling along arm in arm. "'Ello, darling!" they shout, "where you from then?" And they run off down the road screaming with laughter. "Good heavens!" wonders the visitor, "aren't they cold?" This is an example of our famous British toughness. On the other hand, in summer the same visitor may observe Brits sitting on the beach wearing jackets and pullovers with long woollen socks under their sandals. The important thing to remember is that the British dress to please themselves and to show their independence of fashion, weather, social convention and colour theory. For many foreigners visiting Britain it's a welcome change to be able to dress without having to worry if their clothes are the wrong size, or don't match, or are torn, or inside out, or show off their fat legs.