Millions of visitors to Britain have discovered that by far the best way to get inside the host culture, and incidentally to brush up their English Language, is to stay as paying guests with a British family. Hotels may be quieter and more comfortable, but they shield visitors from the realities of life here. It's only by plunging into the hurly burly of family life - the race for the bathroom each morning, the fight for the cornflakes, the struggle for control of the TV remote control, the heated debates over the washing up (with the phone ringing, the dog barking and the milk on the stove boiling over) - that the visitor appreciates us for what we are. So it is that, every year, in search of this real Britain, overseas students come here and "live the language" in a way they never could back home - hoovering the stairs, digging the garden, holding the baby or just sitting round the dinner table discussing the latest episode of Coronation Street with their British 'hostmother' and 'hostfather'.

Millions of visitors to Britain have discovered that by far the best way to get inside the host culture, and incidentally to brush up their English Language, is to stay as paying guests with a British family. Hotels may be quieter and more comfortable, but they shield visitors from the realities of life here. It's only by plunging into the hurly burly of family life - the race for the bathroom each morning, the fight for the cornflakes, the struggle for control of the TV remote control, the heated debates over the washing up (with the phone ringing, the dog barking and the milk on the stove boiling over) - that the visitor appreciates us for what we are. So it is that, every year, in search of this real Britain, overseas students come here and "live the language" in a way they never could back home - hoovering the stairs, digging the garden, holding the baby or just sitting round the dinner table discussing the latest episode of Coronation Street with their British 'hostmother' and 'hostfather'.

The True Brit knows that her dog, cat, budgerigar, hamster, or even her goldfish, is more likely to prove loyal, affectionate and easy to talk to than the majority of human beings.

Like the food and the weather, the sleep you get (or don't get) is an important part of your experience of another country.
For an essential British sleep you should prepare yourself properly. Before bedtime slip a hotwater bottle into the hollow in the middle of the bed (this bottle should have a knitted woollen 'cosy' around it for extra comfort). Make yourself a hot cup of cocoa, or malted bedtime drink (please note: a True Brit does not drink herbal tea!) Dress correctly in striped winceyette pajamas or a brushed nylon nightie (ankle length). Check that you have a bedside table with a lamp, and a suitable English book, such as the Shorter English Dictionary in two volumes or the Works of William Shakespeare.

Other countries marvel at our advanced sanitary arrangements. Where other nationalities have to manage with a single mixer tap over the sink or washbasin, we British have two - one for washing and the other for drinking from. Keeping them separate is both sensible and hygienic. And for those who wish to mix the two to a temperature of their own liking, we invented the plug, which fits securely into the basin, conveniently attached to a chain.

The advantage for a language learner of lodging with a real British host family is that he or she will effortlessly acquire what is sometimes called real English, a colourful repertoire of idioms, slang, colloquial expressions, and even the occasional taboo word, as used by flesh and blood native speakers. It comes as a surprise to learn that Mrs. Jones is "her indoors", Mr. Jones is her "other half'” and their children are the "nippers"; that the woman next door is "a pain in the neck", her son sells "dodgy" mobile phones, while her daughter is "as nice as pie"; that Mr. Jones likes to go "down the boozer" whenever he has a chance, which is not very often as Mrs. J. "keeps tabs on him" all the time, maybe because he was a bit of a "Jack the Lad" when he was younger, though he's "knuckled down" now and they "muddle along pretty well together"; that they're a bit "hard up" at the moment, which is why the "bit of extra" from the foreign students will "come in handy"...

Choose the best answer to each question.

1 How do you do?
a) I'm a lap dancer. And you?
b) How do I do what?
c) Oh, don't be so formal!

When greeting a British person it is wise to keep your distance. Don't be over-familiar, don't assume intimacies you are not prepared to pay for. Some nationalities greet one another by kissing twice or even three times and embracing noisily. Avoid this in Britain: it may be mistaken for amorous advances or for attempted robbery.

Few experiences can compare with the thrill of a night out at the pub - with bitter beer, ready- salted crisps, pickled onions, a raffle, a quiz, several trips to the loo and an 'argy-bargy' on the pavement afterwards. Unfortunately, with the profusion of continental-style cafe-bars these days, it is becoming harder to find an authentic, traditional British pub.

The English Language has a huge number of verbs. Take take, for example. In other languages you will find one word which means take, and if you're lucky there may be two. But just look at English: there's clutch, clasp, cling, get, grab, grasp, snatch, seize, snaffle, collar and appropriate, to name just a few.